My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
