too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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