I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
