Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I want a musical about memes.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
