i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
