How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Randomize
