I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
