even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
