oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
