I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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