he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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