I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
