Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
