Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
