He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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