at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
