I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
