At least make sure they are 18
Why
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
