I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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