people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
