woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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