Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
