After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
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