K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
we're making bets on your personal life
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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