perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Don't tell me you're on acid again
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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