We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
