whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
