Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Randomize
