His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
