Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
