Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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