Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
