God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
