I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
ok first of all what the fuck
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
