Please don't use social media to get back at me.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
