If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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