dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
