Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
