its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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