Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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