I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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