So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
