Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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