You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
