He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
