wrigley field is MILF paradise
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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