if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
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