I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
