What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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