he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
