grandma shit on top of the toilet
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
