just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Randomize
