I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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